Words That Cause Trouble

You

Pronouns are somewhat dangerous because they do not contain as much information as the nouns they are replacing.

When "you" in used as the subject of a sentence ("You said it would be ready today."), it is like pointing your finger. Even if your statement is correct, it doesn't make it the right way to say it.

Solution
Simply omit the "you" and replace it with "I". ("I heard it would be ready today.") Or leave off all pronouns and stick to the facts. ("The project was scheduled to be completed today.")

But

This is one of the most over-used words in our vocabulary. It is frequently used right after listening. For instance, Kim is explaining her point and Chris replies, "but,…" While "but is a conjunction, it does not join anything, rather it separates the important from the mundane. What ever comes before the "but" is not important and the good stuff comes after the "but." ("You did a good job, but you went over budget.")

Solution
Simply omit the word. ("You did a good job. It is important to stay within budget.")

This is relatively easy to do because your lips come together to form the first sound of "but", so while they are closed, stop while you are ahead.

Always/Never

These all-inclusive or all exclusive words decrease believability. Other words that fit into this category include: every6ne, no one, all the time, everything, nothing, etc. When a person thinks you are exaggerating in one area, their trust may reduce in other areas.

Solution
Replace with data. Instead of, "He is always late" say, "John has arrived 15 minutes after the meeting started for the last 3 weeks."

Must

This word demands compliance and can get the hairs standing on the back of one's neck.

Solution
State the importance of compliance. Instead of, "You must call today" say, "Calling today will demonstrate that we feel his sense of urgency."

Should

This word evokes guilt. ("I should have known better.") Look back only long enough to realize your mistake and make restitution to those harmed.

Solution
Make a positive choice for the future or offer a suggestion. ("Next time I will…" or "Next time I could….")

Try

This general word does not explain what your actions will be. When you tell someone, "I'll try" they have no idea what you will actually do.

Solution
Describe what action you will take. If you are asked to contact Mr. Brown today, instead of saying, "I'll try" say, "I will call him at his office. If I do not reach him, I will leave a message and then send him an email."

Now the person knows what you will do and may realize it is or is not enough. They may ask you to call Mr. Brown's cell or to stop by his office.

Each person has their own personal list of "Trouble Words" and each behavioral style has a list of predictable words to avoid using. Talk is NOT cheap. Avoid paying the high price of misunderstandings and stay away from these Trouble Words.

Beverly J. Inman-Ebel is CEO of TLC - Talk, Listen, Communicate - a firm that promotes the importance and use of effective interaction among people through our individual and group training, coaching, facilitation and materials. For further details and to subscribe to TLC's informative newsletter, check out their website at: http://www.talklisten.com. Beverly is the author of several books including the highly acclaimed Talk Is Not Cheap.

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