Does Your Stance Exclude or Include Others?

Have you ever attended a meeting, conference or networking event and felt as if people were unfriendly or snobbish and hard to engage in conversation? Are you aware you might be sending the same message when you are talking with another person … simply through your stance?

By the way you stand, you either exclude or include others. Unfortunately, you may be unaware of the vibes you are sending about you or your organization.

When you and another person face each other and form a rectangle like the illustration above, you send the message that you have “closed off” your space and do not wish to be interrupted. Usually, you do not consciously set out to do this, rather your bodies “close up the space” as you become more and more involved in your conversation.

When you are the person trying to join two people who have assumed that stance, you set yourself up for rejection if they are not yet ready to “break the box” and let you in.

I’ve tested the principle and once stood next to two people for five minutes before they invited me in. Probably didn’t help that they were vice presidents at AT&T … and I was only a manager.

It also can be difficult for you to break out of the rectangle if you are ready to move on and the other person is not yet finished “monopolizing” your time.

I stopped by a funeral home to pay my regards to a friend when her father died. She had left to run an errand so I met and spoke with her sister. We moved into a rectangular position, and I tried to break it because I needed to leave for an appointment.

She kept rotating with me to keep the box intact. It was apparent she was not yet ready to break off the conversation. Finally, a priest approached us and as she saw him out of her peripheral vision, she opened our “box.” I excused myself shortly after I was introduced to the priest.

On the other hand, when you and another person have your feet pointed outward as if you could complete a triangle,

you are inviting others into the conversation. It is easy for someone walking past or standing nearby to make eye contact. That person will feel welcome to join you, particularly if one of you extends an invitation through a smile, nod or a pause in your conversation.

Knowing these two simple “stance” facts can save you from feeling rejected or ignored or making others feel that way vs. welcomed and comfortable. Just as you have developed your brand so do organizations and companies. “Stand

up” for you/yours in a friendly, welcoming manner.

Lillian D. Bjorseth helps you build high-value relationships by honing your business networking, business development and communication skills. She’s the author of Breakthrough Networking: Building Relationships That Last, 52 Ways to Break the Ice & Target Your Market, and the Nothing Happens Until We Communicate CD and workbook series. She’s a contributing author to Masters of Networking. Lillian is an Inscape Publishing certified DiSC® trainer and a member of National Speakers Assn. She spent 11 years at AT&T where she trained top executives in communication and media skills. Contact her at lillianspeaks@duoforce.com, http://www.duoforce.com, 800-941-3788 (outside IL) or 630-983-5308.

Learn to Build Relationships That Stick
This e-book can make the difference between misery and happiness

Some Related Articles:
How Space Invasion Can Ruin a Business Deal
Where You Sit Speaks Volumes
How to Communicate Using Space