How to Prepare For Social Conversations

Some conventional wisdom suggests that social conversation should be completely spontaneous and not prepared. Surely, spontaneity is a good thing because it is often lively, creative, and even fun. So I agree - partly.

However, there are some parts of conversation that are best left to habit so that you don't have to "make it up" for every social encounter. Here are some of those parts:

Openings

How do you open when meeting new people. Having to figure out what you're going to say can make you self-conscious instead of confident. Thinking ahead can be helpful.

You could say simply, "Hi, I'm Joe." Or you could give your new acquaintance something to work with, such as "Hi, I'm Joe Durbin. I work with Mike in the finance department, but when we go fishing together, he usually is luckier than me." Here you're connecting yourself with a mutual friend and also letting them know about a hobby.

Closings

Similarly, you can think ahead and plan what to say at the end of a conversation so that you can depart in a courteous and friendly way instead of just ending with a "See ya." Such as, "Sally, I really enjoyed talking with you about a possible block party for our neighborhood. I hope to see you again soon."

Special people

From time to time you'll be at a social function with guests from foreign countries, or authors and experts in various fields about which you know little. To make yourself more comfortable, make yourself more knowledgeable.

It's easy to research countries, for example. Let's say you are going to meet a person from New Zealand. You can easily learn the basics about that country on the internet, and www.wikipedia.org is a great site for that. You can also check on famous people there, and at www.amazon.com you can learn the books that an author has published.

It's easier to relate to such persons when we have some context for their background.

Questions

Almost all people (except the most shy) like to have others interested in them and their lives. Having some reliable questions to ask can help you do this.

"Where did you grow up?" and some follow-up questions will give a new acquaintance a chance to share some of their life story.

"How did you happen to get into your line of work?" helps them talk about their career. If you ask only general or "small talk" questions, the conversation will probably remain superficial.

State of mind and body

Taking a few minutes to get centered and energized will help you connect at social events. You'll be upbeat, friendly, and have a positive attitude.

Simple ways to do this include "futurizing" (imagining having positive encounters and an enjoyable experience) and also doing some deep breathing to slow down and feel centered and confident. How do actors prepare to walk on stage and immediately connect with their audience? In similar ways, sometimes stretching, vocalizing, and breathing exercises.

As Bernard M. Baruch, wise counselor to many former U.S. presidents advised:

"We can't cross a bridge until we come to it, but I always like to lay down a pontoon ahead of time."

"Be prepared": That's the Boy Scouts' marching song.

So, you be prepared, too.

Loren Ekroth © 2009, All rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life. His articles and programs strengthen critical communication skills for business and professional people. Contact Loren at Loren@conversation-matters.com. Check out a wealth of valuable resources and articles at http://www.conversation-matters.com and subscribe to his weekly free Better Conversations ezine (which also entitles you to two very informative reports).

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Enjoyable Conversations: Learn the Basic Steps
How to Comfortably Connect With Your Conversation Partner -- by Loren Ekroth
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