Is It Me or Is It You
That's Out of Line?

by Shawna Schuh

"Excuse me, would you mind if I passed?" The woman was slightly overweight, probably about seventy, and trying to maneuver a large shopping cart through Target.

The parents of the child this woman had just asked were looking at floor lamps while their youngster was rearranging the folding chairs from the next aisle over.

The child was about five and female. She didn't move a muscle when the elderly lady asked her to move. She just picked up another chair and placed it with the others she had positioned, one behind another.

"Little girl," the lady said in a warm and encouraging voice, "May I please get by?"

The little girl wasn't about to move out of the way and disrupt her endeavors. I happened to witness this from the other end of the aisle where I had a perfect view of the older woman, the child and her chairs, which were between us and the couple within earshot right next to me.

I felt compelled to speak, "Excuse me, but your little girl seems to be blocking the entire aisle and this lady would like to get by." I smiled as I tried not to judge these people for their lack of attention to what their daughter was doing in a public place.

Shocked by the Mother's words, I almost dropped the glass canister I was inspecting

The mother looked up for a moment and said, "Honey, tell the lady to go around you." Shocked by the Mother's words, I almost dropped the glass canister I was inspecting. Before I knew I was moving, I had replaced the canister, grabbed several of the chairs from the aisle, and began to clear the way for this older lady who was beginning to look alarmingly like my own mother.

"That's my train!" the little girl exclaimed in a high-pitched voice as I swiftly popped each chair up against the aisle to clear the way. "No it isn't." I said very sweetly, "These are chairs that are blocking people's way and don't belong in the middle of the aisle."

"Mommy, make her stop!" screamed the little girl as I continued to stack the chairs. The older woman looked at me in gratitude as she pushed her cart past us and slowly headed toward the front of the store.

"What do you think you're doing?" The mother was looking at me now.

"I would ask you the same thing, " I began thinking to myself, "Is it me? Or is this woman really out of line here?"

I absolutely hate confrontations and try so very hard to be gracious even when I witness rudeness. This time though, I couldn't let this spoiled little girl and her selfish mother force a woman who looked tired and old to go around the longer way just because it was more convenient for them.

I pulled my shoulders back and lifted my chin. It wasn't me (this time).

The mother backed down and grabbed her little girl by the hand. "Some people are just rude," she said to the little one as she looked back over her shoulder at me. I realized I was shaking as the family walked away.

Why is it that when we are confronted with something we don't like, we blame it on the rudeness of other people? Time and time again I've heard people complain about others in the most disparaging way as they lament the other persons lack of manners.

Points to keep in mind

How many of those same people would recognize the rudeness that rests in them? Here are a couple of points to keep in mind before you call someone rude.

1. Is the person being rude or asking for something they rightly should have?
2. Did they mean to offend or to have action taken?
3. Are you upset because there was a seed of truth in what happened?

Is the person being rude or asking for something they rightly should have?
This first one is a classic. Once, I was in a movie theater and there was a man talking to his companion quite loudly. The person behind them leaned forward and asked if they would please be quiet in the theater. This is something everyone deserves and should have.

I then heard the first man turn to his companion and state quite loudly again, "It is amazing how rude people are nowadays!"

He was obviously under the impression that asking for the courtesy of quietness while watching a movie was rude behavior because it upset the way he wanted to watch the movie. This happens most when people are to wrapped up in themselves and their own comfort.

The person who asked him to be quiet wasn't rude, and the person who was talking wasn't only rude but ignorant. And don't get me started about cell phones in theaters or other public places! Rude behavior is when someone is more concerned with what they want and unaware of how it's affecting those around them.

Did they mean to offend or to have action taken?
Let's say someone is smoking in a place where it's acceptable to smoke, but someone asks the smoker not to smoke anyway. The smoker may think they're rude when in reality they just wanted an action taken, probably because they were becoming sick by the smoke, or their eyes were affected or something else as simple as that.

Normally people don't ask a person to stop something just to make conversation. It's probably a good bet that if a person asks you to cease doing something they aren't being rude, they just need the action taken for some reason and you have a great opportunity to help that need.

Are you upset because there was a seed of truth in what happened?
This has happened to all of us. We neglect to do something that should have been obvious. Something like making introductions, or toasting the guest, or commenting on how nice someone looks. Then someone else steps in and does it for us. This can leave us feeling perplexed and foolish which in turn makes us strike out at the other person.

"I can't believe they just jumped in like that and introduced themselves!" I've heard someone say "I was just about ready to do it!" or "I don't know where his or her manners are" spoken to a friend at a wedding, "everyone knows the best man is the first to toast."

I always wonder why people bother to put others down when they are obviously doing something nice! I think it's because the person who is criticizing may be upset they didn't do it themselves, or didn't react well. Either way it's not rude behavior on anyone's part but the critic. My mother always said, "If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" and this is still good advice!

I have done all of the above a time or two myself before I was aware of how I looked or what I was doing. This is not an excuse for this behavior but forgiveness for others who are not aware of how truly belittling this can be. So, I repent and share so that others can be more aware of what rude is and what it is not.

Sometimes we just need to ask ourselves, "Is it me?" It very well could be, which is a good thing because me is fixable!

Shawna Schuh is a People Performance Specialist, Author, and Freelance Writer. Oregon based, Shawna speaks throughout the nation on communication, motivation, and business finesse. Visit her site at http://www.businessgraces.com. For a free brochure of services or to book Shawna to speak contact 877.377.1946 or email: Sandy@BusinessGraces.com.

Some Related Articles:

How Do You Know?-On Judging the Actions of Others
Five Truths About Blame and How it Impacts Our Performance
Go Ahead - Push My Buttons!
Are Rude People Irritating You?
How Rudeness Wrecks Working Relationships
You Win, I win...Can We Both Win?
Fourteen Strategies to Handle Conflict
Seven Ways to Work With a Know it All