Let Go Of The Need To Be Right!

Which is more beneficial to you, being right or being wrong? Let me give you an example of what I mean…

Dave is the human version of a proofreader's style guide. He's a compulsive editor. He can't help himself. He proofreads and edits everything that he sees. If he gets his hands on a copy of one of your documents he edits it and returns it to you.

It doesn't matter to him whether you asked for his help or not. When you get it back it's peppered with every editor's symbol ever created. You look at it and don't even know the meaning of half of the symbols.

Without saying a word, Dave makes people feel stupid

Without saying a word, Dave makes people feel stupid. In his own way, and without saying a word, he conveys a message that says, "I am right, You are wrong and I'm proving it to you by pointing out all of your errors…whether you like it or not."

I'll bet you can name several people who are like Dave. They may not be compulsive editors, but they may be people who insist things be done their way.

They may believe their opinions matter more than yours. Or they may be willing to declare an all-out office war if you disagree with them.

The need to be right is a lonely place to be. You close your mind to learning, growth and possibility. You miss out on opportunities.

And perhaps most importantly, you alienate yourself from other people. They avoid you. They don't want to work with you. They don't even want to be around you.

How do you know if you've got a little "Dave" in you? Here are some early warning signals:

• You catch yourself thinking "It's my way or the highway".
• You start feeling the need to defend your point or your opinion.
• You hear yourself justifying something you've said or done.

Being wrong...is way more fun than being right

Once you get used to it, being wrong or not having the only right answer is way more fun than being right and having all of the answers.

You tend to ask more questions. You get to know what other people are thinking. Other people feel free to share their ideas. Instead of "either/or" thinking you start thinking in terms of "and what if".

And you open your mind to new perspectives, possibilities and how other people see the world. If you haven't tried it lately, you could be in for an adventure of a lifetime.

Oh, and one more quick thing… Please don't send a copy of this article to Dave!

Are you willing to risk "being wrong" to have a little fun? It's as simple as changing your mind.

Are you up to the challenge?

Take Action Challenge

My challenge to you over the next month:

1. Pay close attention to your thoughts and feelings.
2. Notice when you're feeling defensive, or when someone reacts negatively to something you've said or done.
3. Reflect on what happened, were you trying to be right?
Make a list of things you could have done differently (think in terms of start, stop, do more, do less).
4. Practice different approaches and notice what works and what doesn't..
5. Keep practicing until you notice that people are responding to you differently.
6. Share your experience with me!

© 2005 Lora J Adrianse

As the owner of Essential Connections, Lora Adrianse is a catalyst for clients who aspire to create dynamic business relationships with their colleagues and customers. She authors a free monthly newsletter, "Relating@Work". Go to her website at http://www.connectionscoach.com to subscribe now! Lora also writes two thought-provoking blogs: Essential Connections and Get Your Career in Gear.

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