Don't Be Intimidated By
The Overly Persistent

Meet the Persister - the person who keeps on nagging...and nagging... until you finally break down and do whatever they want. How do you remain polite while maintaining your self-respect - and avoid agreeing to something you might later regret?

by Bob Burg

In a previous article we dealt with how to effectively handle those I call, Loud-Mouth Screamers. These are the "bullies," the people who try to get you to do what *they* want through outright intimidation; yelling and screaming until you break down and do their bidding.

Another kind of manipulator, however, who we'll discuss this week, is often just as negatively effective, if not more so.

This is The Persister the person who just keeps on asking until . . . well . . . you finally break down and do whatever it is they want.

These people are often the most dangerous. Why? Because, since they're not outright intimidating, it's often difficult to realize what they're doing to you.

Two quick notes:

#1 Persistence is good when it's both courteous and when one knows when to stop. We are talking about another type here.

#2 Persisters are not necessarily bad people, or people trying to get you to do something that's inherently bad for you. They just believe that what they want you to do is right and/or necessary and plan to keep asking until you "give in" to their wishes.

On the other hand, once you learn how to deal with them, it becomes very easy and you won't have to worry about being manipulated by them anymore.

If you make an excuse as to why you can't, the persister will just try harder to answer your "objections"

First, be aware that the person is doing this. In other words, operate out of conscious awareness.

If you understand and are aware that this is what this particular person is doing right now, or that the person you are dealing with does this quite regularly, you're a huge step ahead in the game. It's only when we are not aware of a problem that we cannot solve that problem.

Secondly, use what I call the "lavish appreciation" approach. The following is an example, beginning from immediately after you said "no" the first time:

Persister: C'mon, I'd really like you to serve on this committee. We need you. And you'd have fun. Besides, isn't it time you gave something back and volunteered on a committee?

You: Wow, Dave. Thank you so much, I really appreciate your asking. It's not something I choose to do, but thank you anyway.

Notice that you didn't make an excuse as to why you "couldn't" (i.e., don't have the time, experience, etc.). If you do, the persister will attempt to answer your "objection" believing that once he or she does, you'll then have" to accept their request.

So, what if the person persists (since . . . that's what persisters do)?

Persister: Well, why not? Why can't you?

You: It's just a decision I've made. But again, thank you so much for thinking of me for this.

Now, understand that you might have to outlast them a bit (at least the first couple of times you deal with this person), always politely and with no negative emotion - but stick with it . . . it will pay off.

You won't get roped into doing what you don't want to do and you'll feel better about yourself because of it.

The bonus benefit is that the "persister" will actually respect you more than he or she would have had you given into them, as most people do.

Bob Burg of Burg Communications,Inc is author of EndlessReferrals: Network Your Everyday Contacts Into Sales, Winning Without Intimidation and The Success Formula. Check out his full line of books, ebooks and CDs from which everyone can grow and prosper at his online store. Bob also publishes a wide-acclaimed free weekly ezine, Winning Without Intimidation. Subscribe here. Sign up here for a free subscription to Bob's Endless Referrals Video Brief.

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How to Say No! the Right Way
'I Couldn't Justify..': Right Way to Turn Down an Offer
A Lesson in Availability Management
Don't Tell Doreen!
Facing Up to Pressure to Make a Quick Decision
Don't Be Intimidated By The Loud-Mouthed Screamer!
Saying No - Without Making Enemies or Getting Fired