Overcoming Modern Impediments
to Quality Conversation

Multi-tasking dilutes your attention! Learn how TV and computer screens impede conversation and more importantly, what you can do about it.

by Loren Ekroth, Ph.D.

There is no doubt about it: TV and computer screens are the enemies of quality conversation.

Social critics bemoan the decline of the art of conversation and wonder why. Experts speculate that the gadgets and machines of our cyber-age are to blame. (Text-messaging instead of talking, for example.) They are right.

What you need for quality talk

In order to conduct quality conversation, you need the right space, enough time, some privacy, and mutual willingness to talk in a collaborative manner. For example, I enjoyed two high-quality conversations on my flights back from Puerto Rico a few days ago. One was with an M.D. from India, a medical researcher specializing in Crohn's disease. The other was with a financial executive from Helsinki who works for a prominent home builder in Las Vegas.

In each conversation we had plenty of time (about 2 hours), comfortable close-by seats, relative privacy, and willingness to talk. Fascinating! We talked about politics, the economy, our career work, our upbringings,and our families. The distant screen with the movie but no sound did not disturb us.

Impediments to talk

Nowadays many mid-range restaurants have live TV on screens about 10 feet from the floor. A month ago I was dining with friends at a Ruby Tuesday restaurant and found myself distracted - "summoned," one could say - by the bright images on the screen over the heads of my friends.

Even genuine Irish pubs, legendary as places for lively conversation, have not been immune from these distracting devices. Apparently television serves as a customer-service amenity for sports fans who would drink elsewhere if television weren't available

Jet Blue planes have individual TV screens for each passenger, and those virtually guarantee the reduction in talk. All other commercial carriers have television on large sets.

In the workplace, computer monitors tend to be on whenever employees are at their desks, and those who drop in for a work-related chat often find themselves competing with a monitor for the attention of other conversers. Years ago, and before the advent of personal computers, a highly successful insurance agent told me he almost always had to turn off the TV sets when calling on clients or prospects in their homes. The sets were often left on to play in the background. So he would graciously walk across the room and turn off the set while saying, "Folks, what we're going to talk about tonight is far too important to be interrupted by the television. We're going to talk about how best you can protect your family's future."

What you can do about distracting screens

It's best to find a setting most conducive to personal conversation. This may be a room in a home or a private office where you can control and minimize the distractions.

If TV or monitors are on, ask that they be turned off while you will be talking. If you are on your home turf, you can turn them off in advance.

If your conversation must be part of a meal, select a restaurant that offers a congenial atmosphere without a lot of background noise or blaring TV screens. A booth is usually better than a table close to other people. Turn off your cell phones unless you are on emergency call.

Yes, you can manage the quality of your conversations by limiting the distractions of the settings in which you talk. Do not fall victim to the tyranny of the television set.

Loren Ekroth © 2007, All rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life. His articles and programs strengthen critical communication skills for business and professional people. Contact Loren at Loren@conversation-matters.com. Check out a wealth of valuable resources and articles at http://www.conversation-matters.com and subscribe to his weekly free Better Conversations ezine (which also entitles you to two very informative reports).

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