1. Be a good listener

This is one of the most important things you can do. Help others feel safe talking with you about what they are experiencing and feeling. Listen for feeling in their tone, use of words, and expressions.

Let that person know that you are here to do just that, listen. This can be very reassuring for someone going through a significant loss.

2. Be patient

Bereavement of any kind is consuming. It may be too hard to socialize, focus or pretend that everything is ok. If you allow your friends, colleagues or employees to go through the process with patience they will be more productive and get through it in a healthy way. It is appropriate for them to feel deeply sad in these situations, which can be extremely difficult to see in someone you care about.

You may feel like softly pushing them through the process by trying to help them become productive or focus on other things. These pushes, though well- intentioned, can be counterproductive. If given the space, people will become productive when they are emotionally ready.

3. Refrain from giving unsolicited advice

It is natural to want to help fix the situation your friend or colleague may be facing, but this is a tricky process. To begin with, some things cannot be fixed, like the death of a loved one or divorce. In addition, some advice may be more harmful than helpful.

While some people will feel supported and empowered by friends expressing that they believe "you'll get through it," "you are strong," or "you just need to think positive," this can shut many people down. When people don't feel strong or positive and are being told that this is how they should act, they may withdraw more to "hide" their true emotions, which won't help them with the grieving process.

Similarly, avoid "tough love" approaches. These will only alienate the individual. Allow them to grieve. Don't push your spiritual path on others, even though you do it out of love and concern. If the individual has a spiritual path that is working for them, encourage it.

4. Help with the small things

During bereavement, even small tasks like cooking meals or doing laundry can seem like monumental challenges. You can support a friend or colleague by making their daily life easier.

Bring over dinner, cook a meal for them, help with childcare, or help fix things in their house or apartment. Keep them company if they don't want to be alone. Act as a sounding board. Send cards to help your friend feel supported, or send them a certificate for a house cleaning or other helpful service.

5. Ask how you can help

Every individual will have somewhat different needs during these times. Make it clear that you are dedicated and available to help as much as you can. Make this offer often and strong (use "What do you need right now?" instead of "Is there anything I can do?") so your colleague or friend can easily take you up on it. A sincere offer alone can help this individual feel your support.

At some time you or someone you know will go through a loss. It can include the death of a loved one, divorce, death of a pet, loss of a job, or even the pain of loss if your co-workers have been laid off. Different types of loss might merit different degrees of action, but no matter what the loss it's important to be a good listener. People who are experiencing serious loss are going through the grieving process which is different than other experiences.

If you are able to listen, give emotional, time or material support and show some real understanding you will help them get through this period and they in turn will be able to help you when you are in the same kind of need.

Dealing with loss yourself

If it is your loss, be easy on yourself. Know that is ok to be deeply sad. Take time for yourself, seek out support groups, supportive friends and /or supportive counseling.

Don't take inappropriate advice personally. Know that people mean well, but also know that you don't have to listen to them. Let them know what you do need from them if they ask.

Each loss is unique and no one knows exactly how you are feeling except you. Seek out those who have experienced similar losses and have recovered from them. Ask them what steps they took and decide if that is appropriate for you.

My self-destruction finally resulted in a breakdown of my physical health and I had to be hospitalized and undergo major surgery. Doctors told me what I already knew: I had to make a major change. It was time to look at my past and my present and to decide what I wanted for my future. If I didn't break through negative thoughts I would always stay where I was.

Simma Lieberman of Simma Lieberman Associates works with people and organizations to create environments where people can do their best work. She specializes in diversity, gender communications, life-work balance and stress, and acquiring and retaining new customers. Call Simma at 510.527.0700 or email simma@simmalieberman.com.

Some Related Articles:

Helping Coworkers Cope With Loss
How to Offer Words of Comfort
The Family Divorce: Irreconcilable Family Rifts
What is Your Recovery Rate?
Is Your Guilt Constructive or Destructive?
The Lies That Saved a Judge
The Very Real Power of Empathy