How to Listen for Success

It may be only human to prefer to talk about our own affairs, but next time somebody confides in you about something troubling them, or shares news they find interesting, keep the focus on the speaker! Give them the spotlight, and the rewards will follow.

By Steve Shapiro

Most people are just too wrapped up in their favorite subject to have a meaningful conversation.

"I really would rather talk about myself than listen to you. And when I do listen to you, I relate everything you say to myself anyway. You can tell because when you've finally finished talking, the next word out of my mouth is 'I.'"

How many times have you experienced this type of conversation?

Don't follow these examples!

Cathy: The last two weeks have been so stressful.
Paula: I've been stressed too. But it's nothing compared to the time I . . . .

Mike: The best thing about my trip to Brazil was the people we met.
Greg: I know. When I travel I love it when I meet the locals. One time I . . . .

Salesperson: "It's really tough out there. They keep beating us on price.
Manager: I know what it's like to get beat on price. When I was in the trenches, back in the 90's, we had to...

Gina: I just don't know what's wrong with my child. He gets these terrible headaches about once a week, and the doctors can't figure out what's wrong.
Paul: I had that happen. My daughter used to break out in horrible rashes, so we...

A listener is someone who can be more interested in what you have to say than in what she has to say. She's temporarily more interested in your voice than in hers.

A listener has learned over time, to stop the voice in his head so he can pay attention to your voice.

Here's the right way to respond

Let's see what a listening response would sound like:

Cathy: The last two weeks have been so stressful.
Paula: It sounds like things have really been getting to you.

MikeThe best thing about my trip to Brazil was the people we met.
Greg: Tell me about some of the interesting people you met.

Salesperson: "It's really tough out there. They keep beating us on price.

Manager: You sound frustrated. Let's talk about it.

Gina: I just don't know what's wrong with my child. He gets these terrible headaches about once a week, and the doctors can't figure out what's wrong
Paul: You must be beside yourself with worry.

It's simple, after all..

So simple. The next time someone tells you about something that's troubling them, or something that's interesting to them, keep the focus on the speaker.

Give them the spotlight for a little while. You'll like the way it makes you feel.

Communication specialist Steve Shapiro, author of Listening for Success, shows people around the world - through his books, tapes and speeches - how the forgotten art of listening can make all the difference to their business and personal lives alike. For free tools and resources, visit: http://www.steveshapiro.com. You can subscribe to Steve's popular ezine here.

Some Related Articles:

Engaged Listening and Enquiry
Listening is the Key to Employee Commitment
Listening When You Don't Want To
The Forgotten Art of Listening
The Importance of Closing the Feedback Loop
Plopping: What to Do About It
Think Before You Speak: Success Strategies for Combating Conversational Crappiness
Why Aren't You Talking to Me?
Why Can't I Start a Conversation With You?
How to Converse With an Anxious Person

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