The Future of Conversation

In these high-tech days of instant messaging and PDF downloads, what has become of good old face-time spoken conversation?

It is true that - in developed countries, at least - less time is given to, allowed for, meeting and talking face- to-face.

"Too inefficient," some say. "A waste if time," say others.

High tech - High touch

When John Naisbitt published his best-selling Megatrends in 1982, investors in the film industry worried that with movies now available on tape, people would no longer attend theaters. The movie business would be kaput!

But Naisbitt argued that as "High Tech" became more pervasive, it would have to be balanced with "High Touch" – because human beings craved the contact. They wanted the smell of the popcorn, schmoozing in line, laughing and crying together, and talking about the movie afterwards with friends.

Later, reprising this subject in High Tech/High Touch (1988), Naisbitt counseled us to avoid what he called the "Technology Intoxication Zone" and spend more time in contact with nature and one another to remember what it means to be human.

As high tech is about shortening time, high touch is about taking time, time to look at the stars, feel the snowflakes, and reminisce over a cup of coffee.

Humans need connection

He didn't need to advise us to do so. We humans are hard-wired for contact. We're social animals. We're tribal. We are born to acquire language, and we are born to tell stories to each other.

Remember psychologist Abraham Maslow's pyramid of human needs? Most basic is the survival need (food, water, shelter). But next is the need to belong, which means to be connected to and included with others.

For most of our lives, belonging is accomplished and maintained by bridging and bonding through talk. (We see evidence of this need in the number of people who prefer be with others in the workplace than to telecommute from home.)

However, as our societies have become more technologically advanced, they have become only slightly more advanced in the in the low-tech, old-fashioned ways of relating.

Despite the availability of more and higher education, I observe precious little evidence that people relate with greater understanding or more effectively solve difficult and complex problems together.

My five predictions

I believe conversation has 5 important possible futures that are worthy of our attention and interest:

1. Conversation valued more

Conversation will come to be more valued, less taken for granted. Fifty years ago we took for granted many important human functions such as eating, sleeping, and physical activity. Today as much more is known about optimum ways to eat, sleep, and exercise for health and well-being, people value them more.

Conversation is coming to be seen not only as a tool for transmitting information, but also as a means of building families and communities, enhancing learning, healing emotions, mediating disputes, and solving complex international problems. All of these are already happening but are not yet in the foreground of our attention.

2. Conversation skill-building

Conversation will be seen as an skill that can be improved through instruction, coaching, and practice. Just as many people now take classes, workshops, and retreats to improve their writing skills, more people will have an opportunity to take classes and programs to improve their conversation skills.

Much of this learning will take place in informal, self-help, adult learning programs, rather than in academic settings.

Just as Toastmasters International groups have trained hundreds of thousands of public speakers, such programs will train millions of competent conversers. A special professional niche of "conversation coaches" will emerge to help people who want to learn greater skill in private sessions.

3. Facilitators for conversations

More and more, facilitators expert in interpersonal processes will be called upon to help people talk to one another more effectively.

While in the past using facilitators was thought to be a sign of incompetence, it is now being viewed as an indicator of wisdom. We call in specialists for many tasks: CPAs for accounting, architects for building, physical therapists for rehab.

Business, governmental, and nonprofit organizations will come to see that facilitators can enhance their meetings and will consider using them for meetings to be standard and usual.

4. The great, good place

As the perceived value of people connecting and sharing ideas grows in business organizations, towns, and even educational campuses, more "third places" will emerge.

These core settings for informal public life are where people can meet old friends, make new ones, and talk about the issues of the day. Pubs, parks, hair salons, coffee houses, and bookstores are examples of such places. Their essential ingredients include that they be free or inexpensive, highly accessible, and welcoming.

Such places are alternatives to first places (home) and second places (work). These are places where, as the theme line of the TV show Cheers announces in its re-runs, "Everybody knows your name."

Many of these informal places will be built into – or added on to – business settings and will be areas where employees can "shoot the breeze," meet co-workers from other units, and – very likely – grow the organization's knowledge by mutual sharing of ideas in settings that suggest "this is friendship" and "this is play." (See Ray Oldenburg's book, The Great, Good Place, 1999).

5. Allowing ourselves to be changed

Conversation will begin to be seen not only as a way to influence others, but to be influenced by others.

The "argument culture" that linguist Deborah Tannen describes in her book by that title will no longer be seen as the highest value. Thus, when you and I are culturally, politically, or generationally different and enter into a deep conversation with a goal of mutual understanding, we should both expect to come away changed.

In his fine book Solving Tough Problems: An Open Way of Talking, Listening, and Creating New Realities (2004) Adam Kahane describes a meeting in post-civil war Guatemala in which a participant says quietly to a general who had been involved in mass murder: "I know that nobody enrolls in the military academy in order to learn how to massacre women and children." Following this utterance of reflective dialogue, the group sat in deep silence for a long time, and after that there occurred a perceptible shift in the minds and hearts of all.

I have a sense that these futures for conversation are emerging. I know that I will do my best to help bring them about.

For more cohesive and healthy societies, we need these changes.

We also need them for a less violent and safer world on this little blue planet we all inhabit.

Loren Ekroth © 2005

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life. His articles and programs strengthen critical communication skills for business and professional people. Contact him at Loren@conversation-matters.com. Check resources and archived articles at http://www.conversation-matters.com.

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Conversation: Going Deeper Faster
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When in Rome, Should We Do As the Romans?
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