How to Keep Financial Stress
From Impacting Your Relationship

Tips for facing down money troubles together

1. Grow up about fingerpointing (aka blaming and resentment)

The big issue is that often partners start to blame each other or themselves for their plight. This is the most poisonous reaction one can have, and can implode even the most tightly-knit bonds.

How to not go there?

Consider that blame is an avoidance technique; the mind's way of preventing us from being creative and accountable. It's easier to malign someone or ourselves than take a serious look at what we need to do, say, or who we need to be.

In all likelihood, the person in the cross hairs is already putting a lot of pressure on him or herself to come through and solve the problem. Cutting them down only leads to diminished self-confidence, anger, resentment, anxiety and/or crippled effectiveness. If you release blame and you and your partner know you're in this together, you are both better suited to fly.

2. Face your fears head-on

Even in the worst conditions, there is always something you can do improve the situation and the outcome.

3. Start talking it out

Communicate your thoughts and feelings, in a constructive and respectful way. Otherwise, bottled-up emotions lead to arguments.

Here are some tips if you're about to zing your partner with blame and don't feel confident in your ability to communicate in a productive way:

4. Have a side-line coach

If you're feeling frustrated, afraid, angry or upset, seek out someone ELSE who can talk you down from the ledge. Choose a person you can trust who can encourage you to: distinguish reality from fear, locate your feelings, experience your emotions without letting them run amok, ground yourself in what is real, and do what you need to do to increase your comfort level.

5. Takea time-out to be a sad statistic

If you've found you've succumbed to blaming, or don't feel confident in your ability to communicate in a productive way - go for a walk, exercise, breath. Remind yourself that it is ok, you are alive, breathing and have lots to be thankful for in life.

Remind yourself there is nothing original about what you're feeling or what you're about to say, and you don't need to be another statistic of failed partnerships from financial stress.

Rather aim to rise to a more original status and create common ground between you and your partner. It's doable if you commit to it.

6. Take forward moving action

Budget. Deal with a budget and don't wait to do it! Often people take too much time to adjust their spending to their NEW financial reality. Stop the music, look at your budget and get a sensible grip on your finances. If you both cope with it early in a significant way, you'll be much happier down the road and reduce the potential for any conflict and stress. Also deal with the idea of finding extra work if this is needed, before you start going into all sorts of debt.

If you find yourself feeling like a victim, get creative. When you feel worried, take that as a sign it is once again time to figure out what forward moving action to take to support and steer the situation positively.

ACCEPTANCE - a catapult to positive results

You've heard the saying "what you resist persists". This is a big part of financial stress. We need to stop wishing and hoping things were different. We can't move forward until we accept this seemingly simple, but sometimes tricky concept.

As plain as it appears, as soon as you accept what is, a new world of possibility emerges. This is so powerful, you can't believe it. Yes, yesterday you may have lost the bulk of your pension in the market slide. That sucks. But it is what it is.

Now what? When you accept that something is what it is, and that this changed reality is actually okay, (even if you don't like it), you get your power back to relate more constructively to the new situation. Even if only one member of a couple gets this concept, it goes a long, long way to healing any divide and finding a solution that works.

Most important, successfully weathering of financial upheavals begins with a commitment from you to have that. A simple promise to yourself to see to that.

Join forces with your partner, be open and honest, pull out your best coping skills, stay centered, be innovative, kick your fears to the curb, encourage them, and be a great friend and champion in what is most often a temporary struggle.

Meredith Haberfeld is an Executive and Life Coach in high demand to work with entrepreneurs as well as senior executives in all types of organizations including many leading multinational corporations. With over ten years of coaching and training, Meredith was co-founder and CEO of Handel Group Private Coaching, and prior to that Meredith was a Senior Vice President of Paradigm Direct, a $200 Million Dollar marketing services firm, managing a team of over 60 employees. In addition to her work in the corporate world, Meredith has been highly praised for her work with individuals, couples and families on designing and achieving their goals. Meredith has been called upon as an expert and is referenced in such publications as Forbes, BusinessWeek, Reuters, Women’s Day, Glamour, Daily Candy, Bottom Line and more. Visit Meredith's website: MeredithHaberfeld.com.

Some Related Articles:

Five Steps to a Fair Fight
Are Money Conflicts Ruining Your Relationship?
How Do You Talk to a Man? -- by Alan Zimmerman
Speaking Your Truth to Your Partner