A few days ago, I had an experience that reminded of the power the eyes have in sending a message. I stopped into a local grocery store for a soft drink. I was in a hurry with only a few minutes to step in and out.

So, I wasn't paying attention to the clerk, three lanes over, trying to get my attention. Suddenly, I felt her stare.

Looking across, I instantly recognized Rhonda, a former co-worker. With bright eyes and smile, she sent a "hello" without a word. I returned a smile and a nod. There wasn't time to chat. I only had minutes, she had customers.

Yet, we instantly exchanged a warm greeting.

Running into Rhonda, I started thinking about how much I use eye contact during my day. In particular, how much I use it at work.

I am a Food-service Supervisor, working in a busy commercial kitchen. One of my duties as a supervisor is to manage safety procedures, including a monthly staff meeting to review ongoing safety issues and present new safety information to co-workers. Our former supervisor moved on just over six months ago and handed safety management over to me.

Though I did some public speaking in college, this duty is my first regular public speaking engagement. I have learned as much about myself, as I have about my co-workers, while taking on this new duty.

Why is eye contact, properly used, such a powerful aid in communication? What are the criteria for using it effectively?

Debbie Bailey of Trainer2Go Inc., author of Look Em' in the Eyes: The Real Power of Eye Contact, gives a clear description of effective eye contact:

"...Why is eye contact so powerful? Good eye contact cuts physical distance in half, helps you connect with your audience on a personal level, invites audience members to participate in your presentation (if I look at you long enough you WILL talk), enables you to gauge your audience's reaction to your presentation, stops hecklers from pestering you, and so much more..."

Wielding the power of effective eye contact, without alienating or intimidating others, takes practice

Debbie Bailey's description of good eye contact points out the power it has to help us all to interpret true meaning, as well as guard ourselves, in our conversations.

I can vouch for the fact that wielding the power of effective eye contact without alienating or intimidating others takes practice. Some of my co-workers are shy, while others are more interactive during our safety meetings. Leading these monthly meetings has been an education in psychology, but I have finally found each of my co-worker's "comfort zone" for eye contact.

Effective eye contact in a safety meeting is important, but it takes on even more meaning in actual kitchen training. A commercial kitchen is often loud, crowded, and full of hot ovens, deep fat fryers, steamers, knives, etc. What happens when effective eye contact is not used in a commercial kitchen?

Kitchen cutlery - to quote just one example - is one of most dangerous and intimidating tools in our workplace. Every accident I have witnessed concerning the use of knives has been the result of poor visual cues, leading to poor verbal cues, between trainer and trainee.

Trust has to be developed almost immediately between a trainer and trainee with the use of knives. So, I start by first showing a trainee that I know what I am doing with a piece of kitchen cutlery, then I let them try using it. I have been using kitchen knives for more than twenty-five years.

Occasionally, I see a look of panic in the eyes of trainees ("I could never handle a knife like that!"). When I see that look, I pause in the training. I look at them and reassure them that accuracy and safety come first, while speed will come with practice.

Using eye contact in practice

So, what is an effective time length concerning eye contact and how can we achieve it? Lee Hopkins, managing director of Hopkins-Business-Communication-Training.com and author of Non-verbal Communication In Business, says:

"So, here's a useful tip: break your eye-to-eye contact down to four or five second chunks. That is, look at the other person in blocks that last four to five seconds, then look away. That way they won't be intimidated. Practice timing yourself, away from others. Just look at a spot on the wall, count to five, then look away. With practice, you will be able to develop a 'feel' for how long you have been looking into your audience member's eyes and intuitively know when to look away and focus on another person or object."

The tip that Mr. Hopkins gives for focusing on a spot on a wall for a few seconds, then looking away, is the tool that has proven to be most helpful to me personally. I actually use a mirror to see myself talk, pause, and look away.

My family members will tell you that although I enjoy training and educating others, I really am a private person who enjoys solitude (preferably outside) whenever possible. My desire to see my audience benefit from what I have to say and see the "I get it" expression in their eyes, far outweighs my fear of speaking to them.

Taking cultural differences into account

Besides being mindful of effective eye contact with co-workers, I also have to deal with international customers who visit the company that holds our food-service contract.

Occasionally, we have visitors from Japan. I read online recently that the Japanese commonly return eye contact to the neck region - a practice appaently dating back to Samurai days when peasants were decapitated for direct eye contact. In fact, this accords with my own direct experience.

I think back to to the few occasions when I greeted a Japanese visitor at my workplace. A friendly smile and hello always followed my greeting, but usually their glance was just below my line of sight.

I have learned a valuable lesson from this piece of information. Not only do we get Japanese visitors from time to time, but a number of European countries send visitors to our host company. Thus, I have decided to review some other cultural differences in relation to acceptable eye contact to pass on to my co-workers.

In general, our western society frowns on staring. In fact, the same article from Wikipedia talked about how stage and screen actors are taught not to look directly into the audience or camera so as not to make others feel intimidated

Even though my presentation skills have improved, the temptation to stare is something I still struggle with from time to time, especially in a long meeting. I find looking away from all of my co-workers for a brief second helps restore my normal eye contact. So, I admire actors/actresses for their ability to "connect" with their audience without staring directly at them or a camera.

In the beginning of this article, Debbie Bailey talked about why effective eye contact is so important in bringing people closer together. Through effective eye contact, we say, "Welcome." In fact, in early childhood, we may begin to connect effective eye contact with other positive emotions. A recent Canadian study involving 3 to 6 month olds showed that children would immediately quit smiling once direct eye contact with them was removed and begin smiling again when direct eye contact resumed during alternating 4-1 minute periods.

The eyes are a wonderful gift. They give us the ability to express our feelings of love...acceptance...hope...fear..anger...and much more without a single word. We also gather so much with our eyes, from the most majestic scenes of nature, to the twinkle in the eye of a newborn.

Perhaps, as leaders, we have an even greater special gift, the gift to help others SEE the world through our eyes.

Copyright, 2007, David Duncan

David Duncan lives in in Saint Paul, Minnesota. He has spent the last twenty-five years in the Food/Hospitality industry in various leadership roles. In 1994, he graduated from Metropolitan State University (Saint Paul) with a degree in Non-Profit Administration. David also runs an independent home business together with his wife, Margaret. You can contact David at david.duncan2006@hotmail.com. Visit David and Margaret on the Web at: http://www.ryze.com/go/dmtduncan.

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