Six Simple Aids to
Conversation Confidence

The most commonly asked question in my seminars and my newsletter is "How can I feel comfortable talking to people, especially people I don't know?"

The second most common question is "What do I say next?"

These two concerns are directly related. If you don't know what to say next, you'll almost certainly feel awkward and uncomfortable.

Here are six pretty easy ways to increase your confidence for conversation:

Prepare Your Beginnings

Prepare your beginnings

Always have ready a brief self-introduction, including your name stated clearly. (You'd be amazed at how many people don't do this, then become tongue-tied in the pressure of the moment.)

Examples: "Hello, I'm James Morgan, Betty's husband. We're volunteering for your fundraising project."

For business settings: "Hi, I'm James Morgan. I'm marketing director for A to Z Enterprises in Forest Lake."

Get your introductions down cold. Memorize them so you don't have to struggle to recall the one you need.

Act confident

For example, move with a confident posture. Dress appropriately so you are not self-conscious about what you're wearing.

Speak clearly. Smile. You can consciously manage your posture so you are upright, not slouched.

When you stand and walk with confidence, your feelings will change. The great psychologist William James called this method "acting as if."

Harvest some information to share

When you pay attention to current events, you'll be able to share interesting, fresh information and add to what others talk about.

This requires at least skimming the local newspaper and listening to some news. You can't share what you don't have, so make it a habit to be aware of what's happening in your community and world.

You don't have to know everything!

Accept that you are never required to know everything. You just need to know enough to get started.

After the conversation begins to flow, your curiosity about what others know can carry you along. If you don't let go of the thought that you must have information about each topic that is presented, you'll be a nervous wreck.

So, get over the idea that you have to be knowledgeable about every topic. And, whatever you do, don't pretend to know everything, because you'll eventually be discovered.

Finally, it's better to have many interests than only one or two, because you'll be able to talk easily with a variety of people.

Ask better questions

Use open questions to draw people out, such as "What do you think about the new biking trail?" and "How can you drive from here to Albuquerque in the shortest time?"

You can even prepare some short interview questions to learn about people you meet, such as "What kind of work do you do?" and "What do you like best about your career?"

You can also ask "If" questions such as "If you had six months off from work, what would you do with that time?"

Having questions that help others to tell their stories and share their information takes the pressure off you and will make you more comfortable.

Prepare tactful endings

If you are concerned about being trapped in conversation by a long-winded or toxic person, you need a reliable way to depart the encounter.

You don't have to lie or even give reasons. You can simply say something like "It's been interesting talking with you, Max. Now, if you'll please excuse me . . ." And you can head off to the buffet table or the restroom or the exit door.

Also, get over the notion that you must remain with the same person as long as that person is talking. It's important to be civil and polite, but it's not your responsibility to be the loyal audience for anyone.

Adding these conversation "moves" to your repertoire will build your confidence a great deal. Spend some time thinking about them, then install the six habits mentioned above and put them into practice.

After all, "practice makes permanent."

Loren Ekroth © 2007, All rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life. His articles and programs strengthen critical communication skills for business and professional people. Contact Loren at Loren@conversation-matters.com. Check out a wealth of valuable resources and articles at http://www.conversation-matters.com and subscribe to his weekly Better Conversations ezine.

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How to Become a More Interesting Person
How to Keep a Conversation Alive
Asking the Right Questions
How to ACE Your First Conversations
Does Your Conversation Bomb?
Bored With Small Talk? Make It Bigger!