Effective Communication

It was his first post as school principal. When the soft spoken, mild mannered young man walked in the door to take up his new position, he had no prior experience in running even a "normal" school. And this was no normal school.

Junior High School 22, a hotbed of drugs and violence, was one of the most dangerous spots in New York City. No surprise that it had gone through six principals in two years. And no surprise that the teachers, pupils and parents alike were convinced that the most unlikely new incumbent would be out the door even quicker than his hapless predecessors.

How wrong they were! What were the "secret weapons" that enabled Shimon Warringer to turn the situation around in hardly no time at all? True, one or two things in his personal background proved to be somewhat to his advantage. But above all, this story is a moving testimony to what empathy, warmth and unconditional love, together with a strong, unshakable vision, can achieve.

Watch this video and be moved. And then, don't just move on to your next task for the day and put it out of your mind. Take it to heart. You, too, can make a difference in this world. At least with your own kids.

Labels: education, parenting

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This time of year is "back to school" for millions of college and university students all over the world. For beginning students especially - freshmen as they're called in the US - one of the most daunting challenges, regardless of what course they are taking, will be the expectation that they be able to write at a high level.

The University of Maryland's Professor Linda Coleman, former director of the Freshman Writing Program at the University, offers some very handy writing tips to enable any student to turn out top-notch term papers, essays and assignments. Here are some of them:

1. Read the assignment sheet carefully and follow instructions. You'd be surprised how often students make mistakes because they think they remember what was on the assignment sheet. Read any additional material your teacher gives you.

2. Break the task into segments and assign a "date for completion" to each segment. For a paper, this is likely to include topic selection, initial planning, initial research (if research is required), follow-up research, multiple drafts and a final proofreading. Put these in your personal organizer. (If you don't have one, get one.)

• • Allow time for major editing and revision, including at least a couple of drafts, before the final draft. (You will almost never hand in a first draft.)
  

• Allow time for a final proofreading before the paper is handed in. A surprising number of papers lose points because of sloppy final proofreading.

3. Hope for the best but plan for the worst.

• • Save your work often, and save it to more than one location: not just your hard drive, but also a CD, zip disk, flash drive, external drive, etc.
  

• • From time to time, email your work to yourself. That way, if your computer crashes, you'll have a copy of a recent draft available in cyberspace.
  

• Don't expect to print your paper the day it's due. Make sure you have a back-up plan in case your printer doesn't work, and leave yourself plenty of time to put it into action.

4. Invest in a good handbook. Many teachers in writing classes assign handbooks as required texts. If your teacher doesn't, find one or ask your teacher for a recommendation. Handbooks will help you write every paper you are assigned in college. They include information on how to remedy a host of common writing problems, suggestions for gathering and organizing materials for research papers, and very importantly information about how to avoid plagiarism (a serious offense in the academic community).

5. Whenever you sit down to work on a paper, take a few minutes to look at the comments your teacher made on your previous work. Few things are less fun than revisiting work you've already done, but those comments are designed to help you improve your work on the next paper. List two or three things you want to do better in the paper you are working on now and check the list frequently.

6. Write to your audience, not to yourself. Whether you have a constructed audience or are writing a paper for the teacher, adjust your writing style and content to your reader(s), taking into account what they already know and believe and what you want them to conclude from your paper.

7. Try these techniques for editing and revision:

• • For the rhetorical effect of the paper: when you've finished a draft, list the three or four most significant things you wanted to get across. Then re-read the paper and decide whether you in fact did get those points across.

• • For paragraph coherence: try reading each paragraph by itself, starting from the end of the paper. In the margin beside each paragraph, write in one sentence what the paragraph is about. (If you start to run out of space, you probably have an incoherent paragraph.) Check to see whether your topic sentence matches what you have written in the margin. Possibly, what you've written in the margin would make a better topic sentence.

• • For detail: read your paper, or sections of it, aloud. Reading aloud helps you catch errors or gaps that silent reading often lets you slide over.

8. Revise, revise, revise. And then do a final proofreading to make sure everything is perfect.

Now it's up to you! Happy writing, and look forward to the great grades you richly deserve!

Labels: education, writing skills

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Marketing expert Paul Myers, well known, among other things, for the dry wit with which he peppers his writing, made the following comment in a recent issue of his ezine:

CertifiedEmail is pretty much a fait accompli. (From the Greek, for "Done deal. Get over it.")

Actually, he knew very well that the term fait accompli is French, not Greek. His intention was a humorous one, although some of his readers, apparently, didn't quite get the joke. But that's really beside the point.

In his next issue, Paul wrote that this comment of his had elicited a large number of messages. The responses could be divided into two groups, and he presented one example of each category:

From Tom: "Since you're usually somewhat of a stickler for preciseness (a GOOD thing, in my opinion) -- fait accompli is from the French, not Greek. :-)"

From Pete: "Fiat accompli is a FRENCH phrase, Dude! As a Hellene, I do not appreciate our nationality misnamed as the Roman designation, "Greek", nor do we like to be credited with French phrases. Please correct your misquote."

Now, both these messages were essentially saying the same thing, right? Well, yes, but on the other hand, most decidedly no! Both Tom and Pete were writing to correct an apparent faux pas (something a recipient would normally appreciate), but what a world of difference in tone!

Apart from the crude condescension bordering on rudeness, Pete's missive is, as Paul puts it, "politely worded proof that almost anything will offend someone, somewhere." Which, I guess, writers and publishers should know better than anyone else!

A new article on our site deals with a topic that has certain aspects in common with the situation described above, even though it's not the same thing. Jamie Walters of Ivy Sea Online deals with a specific manifestation of a classic communication issue: The sender and receiver have drastically different perceptions of a message sent.

Have you ever found yourself, after speaking your mind on some topic or other to a friend or colleague, saying or thinking: "Well, I was just being honest"? Yet, you don't understand why the person you were talking to found your remarks offensive. On the contrary, you think, other people should appreciate that you are taking pains not to mislead them!

Similarly, you could be on the receiving end of what you perceive as a tongue-lashing from someone who was "just being honest", and you think: "Well, now, that was downright rude!"

Jamie gives several examples of raw statements - when you just say what's on your mind (even with the sincerest intentions) straight off the cuff, as it were, in a way that may be inviting trouble. For each of them, she proposes a well thought out, polished equivalent that will enable you to state your case just as forcefully, but which minimizes the likelihood that you'll be perceived negatively.

For instance, here's one set:

Raw: I don't work that way. I have high standards.

Polished: I have some concerns about doing it this way, particularly that our approach will seem rude to customers. I'd like to propose another option that leads to the same goals.

An article worth studying and taking to heart!

Happy communicating!

Labels: business communication, education, the workplace

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We all know it, or we should know it. An apology can be the first step to better understanding in a damaged relationship.

When you apologize, you are saying that you share values with the offended party regarding appropriate behavior towards each other. You are saying that you regret that you didn't conduct yourself according to those values - whether intentionally or unintentionally - and from this point on you'll try harder to live up to your shared standards of behavior.

Of course, you apology must not be faked. A hollow apology, certainly, is worse than none at all. By definition, an apology is a sincere commitment to positive change, not a convenient device to avoid facing the music. And when business people routinely say "Sorry I can't take your call", or "Sorry I kept you waiting", does anyone believe they mean it?

In a book called Healing Words: The Power of Apology in Medicine, Michael Woods, MD, bemoans the fact that the words "I'm sorry!" don't seem to exist in the average doctor's vocabulary, at least when talking to patients. The author advises his colleagues to put into practice his "four R's of apology", which will help to increase patient satisfaction and decrease the likelihood of malpractice lawsuits. (I would hope he sees the latter reason as an added benefit, not the main purpose!)

Even if formulated with doctor's in mind, these four R's are certainly worthy of study by anybody:

• Recognition - knowing when an apology is in order. Read the feelings of the patient and family: Fear, disappointment, or anger?


• Regret - responding empathetically. Tell the patient you're sorry for what he's going through. Acknowledge his fear, disappoint, or anger. Remember: an expression of regret is not an admission of guilt or fault.


• Responsibility - owning up to what's happened. Be accountable for the problem, even if it was unforeseeable. Disclose and explain details that led to the outcome.


• Remedy - making it right. Explain to the patient what's being done to correct the problem. Let the patient know you will not to abandon him.

I read recently about a very special school teacher who had a very curious and effective method of punishment. The writer of the story, who felt privileged have been one of his pupils, only fully understood the method behind the madness many years later, after his revered teacher had passed on from this world.

I don't know whether it's still so common today, but then a traditional form of punishment for a student who did something unacceptable was to order to him to write a sentence over and over again a number of times: "I will not talk to my friends in class," "I will not throw projectiles," or whatever. Depending on the severity of the transgression, such sentences (pun not intended!) were handed down as an order to write 50, 100, or at a maximum, 500 or so lines.

This enterprising educator, however, would command the culprit to write the assigned sentence seven or eight thousand times!

On the other hand, there was a way out - a very easy way from one perspective, an unpleasant one from another. Any pupil who would come after class and beg forgiveness, would have his punishment waived.

Only long afterwards did the writer realize his teacher's motive. It wasn't sore wrists that he wanted. On the contrary, the excessive number of lines was designed to discourage the offenders from actually carrying out the sentence.

What he wanted his young charges to understand was that they should apologize and ask forgiveness. Only if the assigned task was especially daunting would they swallow their pride and come begging.

What better lesson could any teacher give to impressionable young people in the process of forming habits that will last a lifetime.

Surely, this is education at its best!

Labels: education, interpersonal relationships

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Almost anyone who's serious about acquiring good interpersonal communication habits will appreciate the value of effective listening skills. Some refer to listening as the most important communication skill of them all.

Of course, this doesn't only apply to adults. Parenting columnist Jodie Lynn points out that teaching kids how to listen is a major challenge in the home as well as in the classroom. Ask any teacher, she says, what their number one complaint is and the reply will surely be the stress associated with the lack of listening skills in their students.

Learning to listen is the other side of the coin of acquiring good verbal skills. And training needs to begin as early as two years of age.

"Michelle, why are you still coloring your face with the red marker?" asked Mrs. Johnson. "we are lining up to go to lunch. Didn't you hear the instructions?"

Well, maybe she did hear after all. But listening isn't quite the same thing, is it?

Without minimizing the pain, Heaven forbid, of parents or teachers whose offspring or young charges conveniently (for the children) turn deaf at just the most inconvenient (for the adults) of times, I'd like to turn the whole problem on it's head.

Instead of asking, are our children listening to us (as timely as such a query may be), let's ask for a change: Are we listening to our children?

Consider this little story. If you have a child of your own like Suzie, would you respond as Suzie's mother did?

Suzie, a third grader, had recently become very negative and cynical. At times, she was uncharacteristically impudent. In short, a hitherto sweet little girl had turned into a sourpuss!

And when her mother would ask how her day at school went, Suzie would just roll her eyes and not answer.

Suzie's mother wondered whether something was cooking at school and decided to investigate. Her hunch was correct. Not that there was any major crisis; just that her Math teacher had come down with the flu and hadn't reported for duty for a few weeks already, and a substitute was standing in for her English teacher who was away on maternity leave.

That day, when Suzie came home, her mother began to chat to her about the situation at school and was careful to show her interest, concern and empathy. "It must be hard for a diligent girl like you not to have your regular teachers. Especially when you like them so much. I feel so bad for you."

Suzie's mother understood something that not every parent understands, basic though it may be. Even though a certain situation may be out of your control and there's not much you can do to alleviate it, your concern acts as a balm on a child's wounded spirit.

Of course, this concern needs to be real, not faked:
"OK, but what are you worrying for? I'm sure it will work out." "You have to understand, you're not the only one in the class." "It was the same in my day, but I never made a fuss of it."

That kind of talk just won't cut it.

Children are small people, so their problems are proportionately small. Small yes, but not trivial. Imagine if someone would say to you: "There are so many problems in the world, this is nothing", on hearing that you've just been laid off from your job!

Your efforts in putting yourself in your child's shoes, your interest and concern - if it's sincere and genuine - is what gives her the impetus to communicate with you.

And that's what you want, isn't it?

Labels: education, parenting

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"One of the great causes of corporate dysfunction," says veteran executive coach Marshall Goldsmith," is the huge gap between "I say" and "they do."

Goldsmith explains what he means by way of citing a conversation he had with a client, a 54 year old "extremely action oriented and impatient" CEO of a major high-tech firm.

According to surveys that the CEO had ordered, his employees complained that they didn't understand the company's mission and overall direction. The hapless CEO was beside himself to explain this. He said he had clearly articulated the mission and direction at a team meeting, and then summarized it in a memo that was sent to everybody.

"See, here's the memo!" he wailed. "What more do they want?"

At first, Goldsmith thought his client was kidding, but when he realized that he was serious (as well as clueless with regard to this particular aspect of management), he began to ask some pointed questions:

"How was this memo distributed?"

"By email. It went to everyone."

"Okay. How many people actually read the memo?"

"I'm not sure."

Further questioning led to our CEO conceding that even among those who did read the email, not everyone necessarily understood it, and even among those who did understand it, some may have dismissed it out of hand as PR hype.

And of course, among those who did understand it and did take it seriously, not everyone may have remembered it!

Nor have we reached the bottom line. After all the above are eliminated, queried Goldsmith, "how may people do you think will change their behavior based upon the memo? How many will begin living and breathing the company's mission because of the memo?"

One swallow doesn't make a summer, and one memo, even one face-to-face meeting, doesn't necessarily make an effective communication. The solution: Follow-up. And more follow-up.

As Goldsmith aptly puts it: "Follow-up may take a little time, but it's less than the time wasted on miscommunication.

So how does your boss rate?

In honor of National Boss Day, which was commemorated in the United States a couple of weeks ago, BossMakeover.com compiled a list - obviously with tongue in cheek - of the top 10 ways a boss can tell if he or she needs a communications makeover:

1. No one ever asks a question in your meetings and you think it'’s because you did such a good job communicating.
2. You tell everyone you'’re a "“people person."”
3. After every staff meeting you end up having to explain your "diversity jokes" to the Human Resources Department.
4. You don'’t get why “"Dilbert"” is supposed be so funny.
5. You tell your kids “"people are our greatest asset."”
6. Your favorite sentence is “at the end of the day, we will optimize our passion for results with turnkey solutions in alignment with our strategic vision.”
7. You tell the same jokes and you think employees are laughing because you'’re funny.
8. You warn new employees: "“If you don'’t come in on Saturday, don'’t even think about coming in on Sunday."”
9. When you got the "“Corporate Buzzword Award"” at the Christmas Party, you thought it was a compliment.
10. As you manage by walking around, every person picks up the phone and appears to be talking business.

“"Ultimately, good management begins and ends with effective communication",” commented John Millen, president of MPA Executive Communications, parent company of BossMakeover.com.

And who can argue with that?

Labels: business communication, education, the workplace

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Obesity among children and adolescents in New York has tripled over the last 30 years, according to the New York State Department of Health. Apparently, a quarter of New York City schoolchildren between kindergarten and fifth grade are overweight, as are an even greater proportion of the City's high-schoolers.

A columnist writing in The New York Sun saw evidence of this herself while touring a private school in the city. She saw enough "heavy" students to make her think twice about her plans to raise her children in the city. She quizzed the school psychologist about what lies behind the disconcerting statistics.

"I grew up in New York," explained the psychologist in reply, "and after school we used to go to the park and throw the ball around..." In other words, in her day, kids got plenty of exercise. More physical activity, more calories burned up, more melting away of any superfluous fat. And today?

"Today, these kids all have tutors. They finish school, go to the tutor, come home and have dinner, and then it's time for homework and bed."

"Poor nutrition and low activity levels are the most obvious reasons behind childhood obesity," comments Sara Berman, the Sun columnist, "but I can't help but think that for many children in the city, whose parents know all about good nutrition and Little League on Saturday morning, the hours they spend sitting with tutors and in front of computers play a role as well."

Berman adds that when she searched Google for the term "tutors in New York City", she came up with 804,000 results. True, other American cities didn't come even close, but the numbers were significant enough. It seems we have echoes here of the social phenomenon (or should I say aberration?) that I discussed in my previous post. The "superstar" syndrome, powered by an intensively competitive society with a win-at-all-costs obsession, has apparently filtered down to the upcoming generation.

"There is so much pressure on our kids to be great at everything," a local mother told Berman. "When I was growing up, you were good at math or writing or French. It was okay to be bad at something too. That was normal. Today, if your kid is bad at math, you immediately try to find the best math tutor to fix the problem. It doesn't matter that she's also a great writer and captain of the basketball team."

Berman adds that she understands why parents would want to find tutoring for a son who's failing in French, or a daughter who's saddled with the worst math teacher for the second year in a row. "But is it such a problem if your child doesn't get all A's? Isn't there a natural variance in our children's performance? Don't the high schools and colleges expect a range of abilities for each child?"

And even if, she says, parents use the excuse that the competition for college placement is much more intense these days, "the madness of these parents" is partly responsible for that very intensity in the first place.

So what's going on here? Does the way parents drive their kids to higher and still higher levels of academic achievement, much as a jockey goads a race horse to towards the winning post, ultimately produce the productive, polished, well-rounded and well-adjusted citizens their mothers and fathers had prayed for?

I don't know.

Now, if these youngsters are spending part of their marathon spells under tutelage on sharpening their writing skills, I might be inclined to give their efforts my blessing.

According to a report released in June by the USA's National Commission on Writing, state governments spend nearly a quarter of a billion dollars a year on remedial writing instruction for their employees. And that's not all: "It's impossible to calculate the ultimate cost of lost productivity because people have to read things two or three times," laments one of the commissioners, and another adds that he shudders to think how Thomas Jefferson's Declaration of Independence would have read in standard, government-worker bureaucrat-speak.

One suspects that things are hardly much better in the private sector, and that many other countries have similar problems. Clearly, any investment we make to ensure our children will go out into the big wide world well equipped with essential communication skills, written and oral, would be a most worthwhile one.

But leaving that issue aside, are we doing the right thing by our offspring by depriving them of the kind of childhood we ourselves enjoyed? Do we have our priorities right when we allow ourselves to be driven by the compulsion to raise a new generation of superstars? Do the ultimate benefits of placing heavy pressure on the shoulders of our kids outweigh the drawbacks.

It's not only a question of getting sufficient physical exercise, important though that is. Many studies over the past decade or two have demonstrated the negative impact of long sessions in front of a computer screen on the development of a child's social skills and interpersonal relationships.

Perhaps the time has come to give our kids a life.

Labels: education, interpersonal relationships

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