How to ACE Your First Conversations

Most of us are regularly meeting other people for the first time.

How can you approach this predictable activity with great skill, a sense of ease, and significant success?

Three best ways to do it

Connect

You can make solid connection by finding common interests, or by sharing common experiences (both served in Viet Nam, or come from large families, are earn a living in sales.) These linkages have the effect of saying "We're similar."

You can ask your new acquaintance some open questions, or simply say "Tell me a little about yourself" in order to locate commonalities.

Bill: "I recently moved into this area because I was tired of the ice and snow up north."

Phil: "Really? Me, too! I'm really into tennis and golf, and I like being able to do those things year-round. No more snow-shoveling for me, no way!"

Appreciate

You can show your appreciation of the person, and in doing so, you'll be following the law described by Mary Kay Ash, the late, phenomenally successful, cosmetics entrepreneur:

"Everyone wears an invisible sign around their neck that says V.I.P., which stands for PLEASE VALIDATE ME."

When we show our appreciation for others, they feel validated, and they like us for having done this.

Sue: "I was getting low in energy, and I thought that was due to my work. But I found out that unless I had a regular exercise routine, my energy stayed low. So I took up jogging, then running. Last week I ran a half-marathon. And my energy level is steady and high these days."

Lou: "Wow! I've done some yoga, which I like, but I've never tried endurance running. You must be very proud of that accomplishment. I admire you for making such a change and sticking with it."

We can almost always find something about another person that we can sincerely appreciate. When you express genuine appreciation, others find it really powerful.

Elevate

What can you do to lift someone's spirits? For starters, you can bring high, positive energy to the encounter. You can also bring a light touch, a sense of humor, a certain amount of jollity.

You don't have to be a joke-teller to accomplish this. Instead, you can share your humorous outlook on everyday life or current events (like Jay Leno does in his nightly monologue.)

Or you can simply bring a kind heart and lots of good will to the conversation. Those, too, will elevate spirits.

Archie: "Gosh, costs keep going up and up around here. Homes and land prices are almost out of reach."

Margie: "Yes, that's true all right. But hey, look at the bright side. Higher costs are keeping our town from overcrowding because people are stopped from moving here. I'm willing to pay a little more for some breathing room, and I'll bet you are, too."

A helpful memory device for when you meet people could be A.C.E: Appreciate, Connect, Elevate. You will notice that each of these conversational "moves" focuses more on the interests of the other person rather than one's own.

As Dale Carnegie taught long ago, it works better to be interested (in others) rather than trying hard to get others interested in yourself.

Loren Ekroth © 2007, All rights reserved

Loren Ekroth, Ph.D. is a specialist in human communication and a national expert on conversation for business and social life. His articles and programs strengthen critical communication skills for business and professional people. Contact Loren at Loren@conversation-matters.com. Check out a wealth of valuable resources and articles at http://www.conversation-matters.com and subscribe to his weekly Better Conversations ezine.

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